Which writer are you? Not THAT writer, surely.
-that writer who name drops
-that writer who tweets their word count on the daily
-that writer who has only ever written in the first person
-that writer who always says their writing is horseshit when it's obviously not
-that writer who has absolutely no idea that their writing is horseshit
-that writer who you have only seen on social media, never once in real life
-that writer who wears fingerless gloves
-that writer who inexplicably knows all about lit mags
-that writer whose thesis would've been finished a month ago if they'd actually worked on their thesis for every minute spent on social media typing about their thesis
-that writer who has taken unpaid work from every big name NYC publishing house and lit mag
-that writer who won't stop talking about reading 'Infinite Jest'
-that writer who posts about their bank account balance
-that writer who hides that they're financially comfortable because #starvingartistculture
-that writer who invents witty hashtags, preferably heavy on word play, for their thesis/thesis group
-that writer who overtly dresses up for a selfie with their completed thesis
-that writer who wants to be George Saunders
-that writer who instagrams the book they're reading, and also probably their cup of coffee
-that writer whose cup of coffee doesn't contain coffee
-that writer who is NEVER EVER EVER living outside Manhattan
-that writer who commutes from Connecticut
-that writer who uses writing jargon in real life conversation ("My CPs are reading my WIP, the one with three POVs")
-that writer whose number one priority is publishing a Modern Love column
-that writer whose thesis reads suspiciously like a collection of rejected Modern Love columns
-that writer who 'checks in' at readings
-that writer with the short story collection who made a few character name changes during thesis semester in order to call it a novel
-that writer who uses inanimate objects and/or food imagery as a metaphor for heartbreak
-that writer who has gotten a lot of literary mileage out of that time they changed their appearance/worked in manual labor/went hiking
-that writer who's all, "read this fantastic blog piece I did all about my amazingly talented classmate"
-that writer who's all, "read this fantastic blog piece all about me by my amazingly talented classmate"
-that writer who's all, "my amazingly talented classmate wrote a fantastic blog piece about my other amazingly talented classmate, zomg read all about it"
-that writer who always posts about how they're not going make their deadline and then always makes their deadline
-that writer who is totally writing fiction, it's just a coincidence their protagonist is exactly like them, with a slightly edgier name
-that writer who finished their thesis over a month ago but pretends they're behind so people won't hate them
-that writer who trolls
-that writer who is so busy trolling others they don't realize they're being trolled
-that writer who, with four days until thesis deadline, spent all afternoon writing a list of tropes about writers in her MFA program.
