My sister is a lawyer by day, improv comedian by night. Yes, she’s a fantastic human being. Today I texted her the following:
ME: Have you ever received advice on how to be a lawyer from someone who isn’t a lawyer?
HER: Not that I can think of
ME: Have you ever received advice on how to pursue improv comedy from someone who isn’t a comedian?
HER: Ha. Ummm yeah
HER: This is about people always telling you how to make it as a writer, isn’t it
Every writer I know experiences the phenomenon. Often it’s in the form of an article, shared on social media by a friend or family member with no personal writing aspirations or experience. “Saw this and thought of u!”, they type, never knowing how deeply they’ve offended us through their omission of ‘y’ and ‘o’. Then we see the title of whatever article they’ve forwarded and a part of our soul dies: HOW TO BECOME A WRITER IN THREE SIMPLE STEPS. HOW TO PREPARE TO WRITE YOUR NOVEL, IN THREE DAYS. HOW TO FINISH YOUR NOVEL, IN THREE MONTHS. HOW TO BECOME A BEST SELLING AUTHOR, IN THREE HOURS. Etcetera. Etcetera.
As I graduated from an MFA program, most of my writer friends also have writing degrees. Other friends have their master’s in graphic design, photography, and theater. All of them made a commitment to their art, both intellectually and financially. And all of them still, even after getting a professional degree, are regularly inundated with outside advice on How To Be An Artist.
When I spoke with my fellow artistically minded friends on this subject, we imagined if similar outside advice was dispensed for non-artistic pursuits. Included below, because my friends are perfect:
“Here’s an article about how to raise your child in five easy steps!”
“I know I’m not a doctor but you are so I thought I’d show you this list of things to do if you’re a doctor!”
“Your wrinkles! Read this interview with someone who got rid of hers!”
“All of your debt problems solved! OMG just click this link! Seriously read this!”
“READ HERE to learn how to get dressed in the morning!”
Hilarious, yes, and yet - to my writer friends and myself, articles on How To Be A Writer are equally hilarious. Why do these articles even exist? Why are so many non-writers sending them to us? Why does society think that there are simple formulas for achieving artistic success?
I planned to attempt answering that question in this post but instead I’m going to fall back on the old writing workshop fallacy of “SHOW DON’T TELL” (note to self: write a future post investigating the fallacy of “SHOW DON’T TELL”) (note to self: I don’t need to see that! ….The Comeback? Anyone?). Thus, I’ve created my own article for my fellow writers to distribute to their non writer friends. Behold!
HOW TO GIVE ADVICE TO A WRITER, IN THREE SIMPLE STEPS
So, you know a writer and you have some advice that would guarantee them unending literary success! Never fear! Just follow The Lurking Novelist’s Three Simple Steps to successfully impart advice to any - that’s right, ANY - writer!
STEP ONE: ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE A WRITER
Are you a writer?
If YES: Impart advice!
If NO: Do not impart advice!
If you’re struggling with this complicated concept, write down your profession or a hobby you’re passionate about. Ask yourself if you would take advice on whatever you’ve written down, from someone who has no experience with what you’ve written down. If you’re confused by the above, please get in touch with your writer friend and ask them to explain it to you.
STEP TWO: ASSESS THE DEPTH OF YOUR CONNECTIONS TO THE WRITING WORLD
Do you believe you are exempt from STEP ONE because you have a connection to the writing world, even if you aren’t a writer yourself? Step 2 is for you!
A) Is your connection in the writing world someone you actually know well?
((Examples of knowing someone well: You have this person’s contact information (both phone number and email). You communicate regularly with this person. This person would recognize you on the street and stop to say hello.))
If you answered YES, continue to part B!
If you answered NO, do not share your connection with your writer friend!
B) Do you know the job title of your connection, and could you describe it in detail?
((Examples of knowing & describing your connection’s job: My connection is a literary agent who represents Young Adult Fiction. Or: My connection is an editor at (insert name of publishing house) and has worked on (insert titles of projects).))
If you answered YES, continue to STEP THREE!
If you answered NO, do not share your connection with your writer friend!
STEP THREE: ASSESS YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR WRITER FRIEND
Do you know what type of writing your writing friend does?
Do you know if your writer friend is working on a specific project?
Do you know if your writer friend has a finished project?
Do you know if your writer friend’s finished project IS COMPATIBLE WITH your writing connection?
((Examples of compatibility: My writer friend is a fiction writer with a finished science fiction manuscript, and my writing connection is a literary agent who represents science fiction authors! Or: My writer friend is a poet and my writing connection runs a literary magazine that takes poetry submissions!))
If you answered YES, impart advice to your writer friend by sharing your writing connection!
If you answered NO, do not impart advice! Do not share your writing connection with your writer friend!
IF AFTER READING YOU ARE STILL UNSURE ABOUT WHETHER TO IMPART ADVICE, REFER AGAIN TO STEP ONE.
Ta-dah! Next week on the blog, HOW TO REINFORCE YOUR OWN SELF-WORTH THROUGH ACERBIC BLOG POSTS.
