No Resolution(s)

Were I a different type of blogger, this is where I'd insert a jpeg of Anaïs Nin's new years resolution quote written in calligraphy and then meander over the inspirational and saccharine for six paragraphs. 

I'm aware the 'new year, new you' fixation on goal-setting exists most everywhere throughout January but it takes a particular form amongst the writing community. Lately my social media feeds are mostly declarations posted by the literarily-like-minded: word counts, pictures of macchiatos and typewriters, check-ins at amazing new cafés perfect for day long writing sessions, lamenting the failure to finish a chapter over a bottle of red. 

I find this ubiquitous but completely unsurprising: we're creative people and we strive to be inspired; New Years is a built in excuse for inspiration. 'This year I'll actually stick to my writing schedule,' we say, feeling incredibly important, while swirling Yamazaki in our recycled glass tumblers and thinking in sepia tones.

One of my closest writer friends came to my apartment a few days ago for an afternoon of red wine and cheese (seriously. This is our life right now. We never want to graduate) and inevitably the conversation turned to writing goals and social media - specifically, how sharing about writing on social media so often takes up time that could be spent just writing. My lovely friend sipped his cab sauv and quoted one of the numerous authors who adhere to the 'stop telling us about it and write your damned book already' philosophy. Of course by that point we were nearly finished with the bottle and I can't remember who he was talking about. Oops.

Truth, though. New Years aside, any given time of year I could find countless writer friends talking/typing/blogging/tweeting about the work they're doing, or want to be doing. This is where the hashtag "amwriting" comes from, yes? And every time I see #amwriting, I think, 'Are you writing, though? Or are you typing out a hashtag declaring that you're writing?' Behold, my inherent alienation from the online writing world: instead of retweeting, or liking, or commenting 'way to go, productive fellow writer!', I'm judging. I don't tweet about my writing process while I'm writing, I don't compose blog posts in between chapters. Frankly I'm just not that good of a multitasker. 

Hence, the lack of my writing resolutions: any time spent setting goals for my work, or agonizing over attempts to achieve these goals, is time I personally could better spend actually doing the work. I struggle enough with time management - I can't set aside additional time to dictate the rate of my process or, even more intimidatingly, redesign my process entirely. (This could segue into all the wide variances of writing processes, and which process if any is best. I get asked that all the time, by the way, especially from people who work in professions far outside the creative realm: what's my process, do I write every day, how do I stick to deadlines, and on and on again. I usually answer politely but privately feel annoyed; 'My process is to not talk at length about or analyze my process,' I want to say, which of course isn't anywhere near true but, writers = liars, etc.) 

I understand that everyone works in a myriad of different ways and this opportunity for goal setting against the backdrop of a new calendar breeds success for many of my colleagues. This is successful for me:

I resolve nothing because I can't afford to, literally. Choosing to forgo work and income for graduate school brought me vast amounts of student loans and I cannot afford to spend time *thinking* about how best to write. I have one semester of school remaining before I'll be unemployed and in debt. I can't think or talk about writing; I have to write. Yes, this is my 'there is no try'.

I have to finish my novel. I can't resolve to, I have to, because my novel is also my thesis. 

I have to find work that I enjoy doing, within the writing community, to justify my decision to pursue this MFA over my previous passionless career.

I have to prioritize my friendships with other writers, because these friendships not only make me a happier person, they improve me as a writer. I have to prioritize maintaining these friendships, especially after graduation when I won't have the guarantee of seeing these wonderful people every day.

I have to set constant deadlines with my thesis adviser. And I have to meet every deadline, even if its a deadline I suggested, because I have these few precious months to work with her daily. She is an infinite resource, my tuition has bought me this time with her, and I cannot be wasteful.

And, I have to submit. I have to submit articles and short stories. I have to submit my novel. I have to write query letters and prepare for sending my finished manuscript to literary agents. Half-assing doesn't work on the submitting front. One is either submitting or not submitting, querying or not querying, trying to sell their work or not. If I want to be a working, published writer, I have to submit.

I also probably have to stop starting sentences with conjunctions. Or stop apologizing for starting sentences with conjunctions. One or the other; I'm on the fence.



And, we're done. I'd say share your own resolutions in the comments, but this isn't a lifestyle blog. If you really want to have that conversation you'll have to buy me a drink first.